Urban Anonymity
Until two years ago I lived a small town/suburban life. More years than I care to count were spent in “College Town, USA.” To find two positions in the same town, Matthew and I knew that an urban center would be our best bet. In the end our choices were limited, and Berkeley beckoned as a place we could be together and continue on our professional paths in our areas of interest.
I want to go on the record as saying that there are many things I really like about the bay area. I love the weather (though I do sometimes tire of the rainy season), public transit system, convenience of restaurants, shops, theaters, museums and other entertainment. Somedays, however, I wonder if all that convenience comes at too high of a price.
Today I had a strange experience on BART, I was transporting a canning pot full of glass jars into the city for to make some jam and applesauce with a friend. The pot was very heavy so I picked a bench that was unoccupied and set the pot on the seat next to me, this wasn’t hard to find since the train was practically empty. About 30 seconds later, an older lady came up to me, pointed to the pot and told me, quite rudely, that she wanted that seat. I was perplexed, as there were many open seats, some closer to the doors, but placed the pot on the floor and gave her the seat. I assumed the woman must have some sort of physical reason to be so particular about her seat, but I was wrong, there was nothing physically amiss with this woman (except a compulsion to wear plastic gloves on public transit, but maybe that’s mental not physical). After changing trains, I felt quite guilty for not giving up my seat to a different older woman while I was boxed into a seat with my hands full as teenagers and young men made no move to give her their space. These two experiences got me thinking about the mentality of urban residents.
Does being one of so many make it easier to give less consideration to others? You know it is highly unlikely that you will encounter the people you meet on the train in other aspects of your life, so how you treat them makes no difference. Be rude, be considerate, it doesn’t matter because there are no reprecussions for your actions. Cars packed on the freeway, people jostling lines at the grocery store, there’s no reason to be kind to those around you because it doesn’t affect your life. Still I can’t help but think that if we were more considerate of others, and they returned the favor in sort of a pay it forward scenario, in the end life would be easier for all of us.
I think this self-importance translates to other aspects of people’s lives. It manifests as city councils, like those of Berkeley, that won’t fix pot holes or public safety issues, but have plenty of time to pass resolutions for Impeaching the US President and VP or trying to muscle out Army recruiters. The activist tradition of the bay area is tarnished by people who choose to devote their efforts and waste public resources for poorly reasoned causes, often endangering themselves or others. The self-righteousness of people quoted in papers and featured on the news is ridiculous, and makes it unsurprising that it takes forever to accomplish even the smallest things around here.
I’m not saying you won’t find inconsiderate and/or self-righteous people in small towns, but I think those people feel the effects of their actions. When people know you and your deeds/words, they’re more likely to hold you accountable. This probably explains why most people would prefer to live in a small town if given the chance. I don’t know what to do about this predicament. We have to live here for a few more years at the least, but when the chance comes, I really hope we can go to a place that is not so anonymous; I miss “College Town, USA.”
I think the best we can do regardless of location is to be kind and courteous to others and hope that it leaves them in a better frame of mind. That “Golden Rule” thing.
I miss “College Town,” too.
It seems as if most people around here didn’t grow up with the “Golden Rule.” I have a lot of theories about this, but none of them definitive. When someone seems to be particularly self-involved, we often call them a Berkeley native.
Myself, I too have lived in both the big city, small towns, suburbs, and even spent a year living out in the country. I really don’t see a major difference in how “nice” people are. My explanation for why we encounter more rudeness in the big city is simply due to population density. When you encounter more people, you encounter more unpleasant people.
That said, recently I’ve been encountering the opposite. I moved from a part if the city dominated by affluent white folks to a much more poor, ethnically diverse area. One would maybe think that people would be less nice hear due to fearfulness since this part of Seattle has problems. There are gangs, crime, drugs, homelessness… you know, typical urban problems that are much more apparent in this part of town. Well, the people here are way more friendly than in the upper class part of town. I never met my neighbors in the Fremont neighborhood and certainly never chatted with strangers on the street or on the busses. Here, I meet new people daily. I chat with interesting people on the bus. Everyone talks on the bus. None of that commuting in silence in this neighborhood. And I’m stopped on the street all of the time. Mostly by older black men wanting to flirt, but shrug, at least they are friendly.
So currently, I’m feeling a real sense of community in this area that I’ve never felt anywhere before. I go to community meetings now! And i want to help the gang kids stay out of trouble, but I don’t know what can be done… So I keep chatting with my neighbors about our problems. This is something that I cannot imagine happening in Fremont, Columbia, or the suburbs of California. No one seemed to take the time to notice they even had neighbors. Everyone was too busy and used their cars as a wall between themselves and the rest of the world.
I just want to go on the record as saying that crazy people are one of the things that I really enjoy about public transport. Makes the slog of the daily commute bearable. `
I had a great time when we visited SF last year. Being one of the places I’ve always wanted to go, the city offered far more ethnicity and culture than anywhere I’ve ever seen. Small town Nebraska doesn’t give you alot of that. We had some crazy experiences trying to navigate the BART, the crazy cab drivers, and the Rastas in Golden Gate Park off Haight-Ashbury, but it was a great time. I have a love for big cities, Vegas, SF, and NYC, but visiting is probably enough for me. I don’t know if I have what it takes to actually live in one. And I do so enjoy coming home.
Jess