The Bauer Confidential

My mom sent me a scan of this polaroid photo taken of me when I was three weeks old, apparently this was the day of my baptism/christening. I took some pictures of Jocelyn right around the same age and thought I’d post a side by side comparison. I included the handwritten caption on my photo, I think added by my Grandmother, from whom we choose Jocelyn’s middle name. I had a bit more hair; Jocelyn doesn’t have enough for a kewpie curl. My mom thinks we look alike, what do you think?
Jocelyn had her one month check-up on Friday. She’s gained weight well, and the Dr. thinks she is extremely healthy and thriving. The Dr. was impressed with how strong Jocelyn is and how well she pushes herself up (she’s been holding her head up since she was born). I think it’s hybrid-vigor! Poor baby did not like the immunization she had, it breaks my heart when she gets that upset. It was soon forgotten though when we were out and walking, she likes going for walks in the stroller.

My wonderful book club ladies came to me this month, again (since the baby makes it a bit hard to travel into the city at this point) to discuss a very interesting work of non-fiction, Little Heathens: Hard Times and High Spirits on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression by Mildred Armstrong Kalish.  As the title suggests, this book tells the tale of a family’s survival during the difficulties of the great depression, splitting their time between a farm and a small town in Iowa depending on the season.  Told from the perspective of the author as a very young girl, the trials of day to day life are chronicled.  Despite being set in a rather “depressing” time, the book is not the least bit depressing.  No one feels sorry for themselves despite the adversity and difficulties they deal with everyday.  The only time sadness is described is when family members loose their farm because they are unable to pay their taxes.

The most surprising thing was how much very young children contributed to the running of the household and farm.  A lot of what is described might be considered child abuse by today’s standards.  Everyone worked hard, it was absolutely necessary for things to get done and the family to survive.  And yet the children had time to play, using their imaginations to create adventures and games.  Education was highly valued, along with hard work.  Almost everything about the people in this book is admirable, their tenacity, resilience, and dedication.  What may shock some is how unemotional they are.  To hug or say you care about anyone is taboo, even for children.  This was the saddest thing in the book for me.

I found the descriptions of how they ate the most interesting.  Gardening, canning, careful planning and a lot of hard work insured the family never went hungry in a time of great need and actually ate a lot of very delicious sounding fare (and some not so appetizing dishes such as head cheese).  There are even a number of recipes presented that I would like to try at some point.  It seems like every dish contained copious amounts of either bacon or butter, how could you possibly go wrong?

The main reason I found this book so fascinating is I felt it gave me a great deal of insight into the lives of my grandparents who are similar in age to the author and grew up just one state to the west and also grew up on farms or ranches.  I wonder if they had the same experiences the author described.  A lot of the stories my grandparents told me about their childhoods came to mind while I read this novel, especially my grandma helping me make May baskets during a stay at our house when I was around 10.  I envisioned the things the author described happening in the barns, buildings, and cellars of my grandmother’s ranch.

I would definitely recommend this book, especially if you have ties to farming life or the mid-west.  It provides excellent insight into the lives of my grandparents’ generation, and what they went on to teach their children.  You’ll be amazed by the resourcefulness of these people and by their work ethic.  The mid-western philosophy resonates through this book, but the author also shows a softening of some of the harder edges portrayed.

Growing up, Christmas always meant two things: 1) Cold and mostly snowy days and 2) the promise of family and gluttony.  Moving to California has negated most of that.  The weather is chilly, foggy and rainy, but mostly Berkeley isn’t a very festive town.  There are some lights haphazardly placed on random trees, and really that’s about it. I do have my immediate and loving family of April and Jocelyn.  Jocelyn is doing well, except for some gas issues which makes her very fussy, unable to sleep, and keeps her on the edge of a full blown crying fit.  April has discovered a way of holding her that helps relieve some of the pressure, and we bought some baby “gas-x,” and hopefully that will alleviate some of the pain.  This leads me to another reason why the Christmas spirit hasn’t taken over the Bauer apartment,  taking care of a 3 1/2 week old has left us too exhausted to think about it.  I’ve tried pretty hard though.  I got the Christmas tree up, lights up, stockings are hanging from our nonfunctional fireplace, and most of all, I’ve been listening to Christmas music for spirit enhancement.

Inspired by afreeman, I thought I would give my Christmas Music list that I’ve been enjoying this year.  This version of Blue Christmas, was introduced to me by Velma, and I can’t seem to find out who performed it.  So if Velma or Mark or anyone knows, please let me know.  Thanks

“Blue Christmas” - ???

“Lonely Christmas” - Ben Folds

“Home For The Holidays” - Perry Como

“You Gotta Get Up” - Five Iron Frenzy

“Come on! Let’s Boogey to the Elf Dance!” - Sufjan Stevens

“No Christmas For Me” - Zee Avi

“Let It Snow” - Michael Bublé

“Someday At Christmas” - Jack Johnson

“O Come, O Come Emmanuel” - Sufjan Stevens

“Here It Is Christmas” - The Old 97’s

“Winter Wonderland” - Liz Phair

and finally

“Suddenly This Christmas” - Loudon Wainwright III

There are some other songs that are also on my play list, but this will be enough for this year.

We are lucky to have a lot of great people in our lives, and it seems to me that more than a few of them are particularly talented in a variety of crafts.  Nothing brings out crafty-talent better than the impending arrival or birth of a baby.  Jocelyn has been the recipient of a number of really beautiful hand-made items, and I feel it would be a shame not to show them off here.

The first item is a play-mat type blanket made by my mom.

Next are three (yes, three) blankets crocheted (they could be knitted, I can never tell the difference) by my mom.

The last three are on the same blanket, but I just wanted to show you all how cute our baby is.

This next blanket and cap was crocheted by Matthew’s mother.  The cap is a bit too large, but she’ll grow into it!

This cute blanket and cap were knitted by Matthew’s Uncle Leslie.

This sweater was knitted by Matthew’s old bench-mate at Mizzou, Nicole.  A little big yet, but not for long.

This quilt was made by my good friend Velma who has made lots of beautiful quilts and other cool crafts.

Here is the woman herself, with her hands a bit full during a recent visit to our place.

So we’ve been home with the baby for more than a week now.  We expected sleepless nights and crying, but the beginning was much harder than I imagined.  The problems stem from some issues we had in the hospital.  My advice to anyone planning a hospital delivery, even if you think the hospital’s policies are in sync with what you want, have a specific birth plan and/or a doula.  We were told in our prep classes that the hospital operated in a specific way that was in accordance with what we wanted, but when it came time to have the baby, the hospital staff did not do what we’d been told they would, which left us angry and disappointed.  The actual birth is a bit of a long story, and maybe someday I’ll write a post about it here, but I’m just not up to it now.

Having a baby the day before a major holiday is also not such a good idea, if you can help it.  The hospital was short staffed.  There was no lactation consultant or “baby and me” class while we were there.  We were told that all the nurses were trained to help you establish good breastfeeding, I’m pretty sure this was a blatant lie, that or the nurses were too busy to care (there were 35 other babies born in that hospital that day).  From the classes we took I knew what I should do, but putting that into practice is another thing entirely.  The nurses pretty much just tried to shove as much of my boob into the baby’s mouth as possible.  This is a bad, bad thing.

I’m amazed that people survive stays in the hospital.  Hospitals are not restful places.  The fold out bed Matthew was sleeping on was covered with that crackly vinyl material you see on school buses.  So every time he moved, it sounded like he was rolling over on a pile of paper bags.  And every time a toilet was flushed in our vicinity it sounded like a miniature explosion.  So when the Dr.s cleared us, we went home, since were getting no rest and very little help at that hospital.  But once we got home the breastfeeding didn’t improve.  It was very painful and Jocelyn seemed to be crying constantly.  Every time I tried to feed her she would just fall asleep and then be inconsolable about 30 minutes later.  By Friday things were getting pretty desperate.  A home health nurse was supposed to come visit us at home, but we didn’t hear from anyone.  I knew I needed to talk to someone about the breastfeeding so Matthew called the hospital and got a hold of a lactation consultant.  We rented a pump, got some advice, and things improved a bit.  On Saturday we took Jocelyn to the pediatrician’s office to check her weight.  She had lost more than the 10% they consider normal.  We got a call later in the day from one of the Dr.’s at the office (our Dr. was out of town) and he said we needed to supplement the breast-feeding with some formula.  This helped quite a bit.  The home health nurse came on Sunday and she was helpful as well with lots of tips for feeding and general baby care.  Monday we saw a lactation consultant and our pediatrician.  The Dr. said Jocelyn looked great, she was gaining some weight back.  The lactation consultant was a tremendous help, and we went to a follow up on Thursday which was also helpful.  Jocelyn didn’t like to open her mouth very wide, which makes proper latching-on pretty difficult and she tended not to feed very vigorously, quickly falling asleep.  The lactation consultant helped us a lot with those issues.

Things are getting much better.  We’re still supplmenting with some formula using this tiny tube attached to a syringe or normal bottle feeding.  I’m pumping between feedings to try to get my milk supply up so that I’m making enough.  I’m taking herbs and drinking “Mother’s Milk” tea.  I feel like it shouldn’t be this much work!  This is definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  There were times when I felt so defeated, like a complete failure, a terrible mother.  More than a few times I’ve wanted to throw in the towel, say screw this breast-feeding thing and just give her formula from here on out.  I know all the advantages that are touted about breastfeeding, but do those things out weigh a mother’s sanity and a baby getting enough food?  We’ve invested a lot of time, effort and money into breastfeeding and I’m feeling quite a bit better about it and am hopeful that we may be able to cut out the formula soon.  But when she cries at 3am, formula feeding seems like a better option.

My family

(taking a much needed nap)