The breast-feeding blues
So we’ve been home with the baby for more than a week now. We expected sleepless nights and crying, but the beginning was much harder than I imagined. The problems stem from some issues we had in the hospital. My advice to anyone planning a hospital delivery, even if you think the hospital’s policies are in sync with what you want, have a specific birth plan and/or a doula. We were told in our prep classes that the hospital operated in a specific way that was in accordance with what we wanted, but when it came time to have the baby, the hospital staff did not do what we’d been told they would, which left us angry and disappointed. The actual birth is a bit of a long story, and maybe someday I’ll write a post about it here, but I’m just not up to it now.
Having a baby the day before a major holiday is also not such a good idea, if you can help it. The hospital was short staffed. There was no lactation consultant or “baby and me” class while we were there. We were told that all the nurses were trained to help you establish good breastfeeding, I’m pretty sure this was a blatant lie, that or the nurses were too busy to care (there were 35 other babies born in that hospital that day). From the classes we took I knew what I should do, but putting that into practice is another thing entirely. The nurses pretty much just tried to shove as much of my boob into the baby’s mouth as possible. This is a bad, bad thing.
I’m amazed that people survive stays in the hospital. Hospitals are not restful places. The fold out bed Matthew was sleeping on was covered with that crackly vinyl material you see on school buses. So every time he moved, it sounded like he was rolling over on a pile of paper bags. And every time a toilet was flushed in our vicinity it sounded like a miniature explosion. So when the Dr.s cleared us, we went home, since were getting no rest and very little help at that hospital. But once we got home the breastfeeding didn’t improve. It was very painful and Jocelyn seemed to be crying constantly. Every time I tried to feed her she would just fall asleep and then be inconsolable about 30 minutes later. By Friday things were getting pretty desperate. A home health nurse was supposed to come visit us at home, but we didn’t hear from anyone. I knew I needed to talk to someone about the breastfeeding so Matthew called the hospital and got a hold of a lactation consultant. We rented a pump, got some advice, and things improved a bit. On Saturday we took Jocelyn to the pediatrician’s office to check her weight. She had lost more than the 10% they consider normal. We got a call later in the day from one of the Dr.’s at the office (our Dr. was out of town) and he said we needed to supplement the breast-feeding with some formula. This helped quite a bit. The home health nurse came on Sunday and she was helpful as well with lots of tips for feeding and general baby care. Monday we saw a lactation consultant and our pediatrician. The Dr. said Jocelyn looked great, she was gaining some weight back. The lactation consultant was a tremendous help, and we went to a follow up on Thursday which was also helpful. Jocelyn didn’t like to open her mouth very wide, which makes proper latching-on pretty difficult and she tended not to feed very vigorously, quickly falling asleep. The lactation consultant helped us a lot with those issues.
Things are getting much better. We’re still supplmenting with some formula using this tiny tube attached to a syringe or normal bottle feeding. I’m pumping between feedings to try to get my milk supply up so that I’m making enough. I’m taking herbs and drinking “Mother’s Milk” tea. I feel like it shouldn’t be this much work! This is definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. There were times when I felt so defeated, like a complete failure, a terrible mother. More than a few times I’ve wanted to throw in the towel, say screw this breast-feeding thing and just give her formula from here on out. I know all the advantages that are touted about breastfeeding, but do those things out weigh a mother’s sanity and a baby getting enough food? We’ve invested a lot of time, effort and money into breastfeeding and I’m feeling quite a bit better about it and am hopeful that we may be able to cut out the formula soon. But when she cries at 3am, formula feeding seems like a better option.
When Pi was born, I wasn’t producing enough milk for her. The lactation consultant at the hospital was no help at all; her only suggestion was the tea you mentioned. Which did no good. I was crushed, and I spent a lot of time feeling like a horrible mother.
I was more prepared for it with Graham. I had hoped things would be different, but they were exactly the same. Except that I didn’t cry about it.
You do what’s best for you and your baby. She’ll be fine, and so will you.
Oh April….I felt like I was reading MY story!
I agree with you 100% on the hospital thing. People told me, “stay as long as you are able to let them help you.” I went home the very next day….which is fairly common here in Africa…..they need the beds! Now I had Andrew in an African hospital which was much different than the fancy US hospitals, but I wanted out the second after I had him. That was my first stay in a hospital and while my labor and delivery went perfectly the afterward was the horrible part. They don’t have LC here but I am in the breastfeeding continent of the world right? No help, what so ever! It was shove the boob in and let em suck. By the time my OB came in the morning I was a mess and my boobs looked like something from a horror flick. He was in shock that no one had helped me (I had also read every book on BF I could get my hands on and had this illusion that Andrew would just latch perfectly….wrong!). We had to supplement with formula as my milk didn’t come in till about 5 days later. They were amazed that not even one drop was coming out…..I still think my boobs are defective! 
By that time Andrew wouldn’t latch (after all a bottle is easier!) and so I had to use a nipple shield. Needless to say, 4 weeks of giving it a go, I gave up and did formula. (Long story) All that to say….it’s not easy and people make it look so easy don’t they? I am proud that you are taking advantage of all the help around you….I wish I had that support, but they just don’t have it here. Now that I am expecting #2 I am faced with the question of formula and breast and I’ll be honest….formula is looking mighty appealing! 
Someone told me, and I agree that give things 6 weeks…..you’ll find that after 6 weeks things do get a bit easier, or you settle in. You’re doing the best you can for your little one right now……if that’s formula, then that’s okay too…..she will not grow a third eye. 
Hang in there……praying for you!
Hey April,
Sorry to hear that it is all a bit difficult with the feeding. Breastfeeding was the one thing that I really fretted about. You hear all the science about how it is better for the baby, but really what is best for the baby is a happy, relaxed mum and dad and if that means bottle feeding then that is ok. Formula these days are much improved and Jocelyn will be none the wiser. Out of my antenatal class, all intended to breastfeed and only 4/8 could for various reasons. It isn’t uncommon at all.
I hope things get better. Don’t beat yourself up about any thing, just get through the first 6-8 weeks doing what ever it takes to survive. Hormones and sleep deprivation are torture enough without stressing about having to breastfeed if it isn’t working out for you.
Take care
I know it seems like it should come naturally, but breastfeeding can take a lot of effort! It does get much, much easier though! Hang in there and use those lactacian consultants as much as you can. Since I had a c-section, I stayed in the hospital for the full 5 days. Kyle was super sleepy and would latch on but not suck. He would just look up at me like what do I do now? St. Mary’s doesn’t have a lactation consultant, but we used every nurse we could find. The first 6 weeks are definitely the hardest. La Leche League has a website with message boards that have been helpful to me. Whatever works out, please don’t feel guilty! Jocelyn has 2 amazing, loving parents – and that’s what really counts!
Thinking about you!
Amy
April,
Of course, I’ve not gone through what you have and I don’t have working boobs or anything, but I feel for you. It’s never nice when things don’t meet your expectations. If it’s any consolation, Jocelyn is still extremely cute!
I don’t know a single mom that didn’t have some kind of troubles with getting started BFing. For us, we had latch issues and ended up pumping and using the tube-syringe setup for the first three weeks. Three weeks of hell where we were told to wake up R 10 times a day, strip him down naked (which did totally wake him up), feed with the tube at the boob (ie get him quasi-latched and then sneak the tube in as an instant reward) which took about 20 minutes, and then pump for about 20 minutes to get the stock for the next round. So about 1 hour out of every 2 during the day and 3 at night was spent focusing on feeding. How can mom “sleep when the baby is sleeping” when she has to friggin’ pump, not to mention all the stuff that had to be constantly sterilized? So I definitely feel your pain. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, hands down. And you’re absolutely right, there is no right answer here, only what works for you guys. After those first three weeks, R’s weight was back up, he was a champion latcher and we ditched the tube (despite doctor’s advice) cold turkey. I hope this helps – keep doing the best you can, no one can or should expect any more than that. Hugs for you all.
Thanks for all the encouragement everyone! Things have gotten a lot better, we’re going to stop the supplementing with formula since she’s gaining weight well now. The consensus seems to be that breast-feeding is much much harder than anyone would thing. A number of people now have told me that breast-feeding was one of the hardest things they ever did, and I completely agree!