The Bauer Confidential

Photos taken January 25, 2009 at Live Oak Park, Berkeley, CA.

More about Wordless Wednesday here.

I became a parent knowing full-well that I knew next-to-nothing. We went to some birthing and baby-care classes, got lots of advice (mostly unsolicited), did some reading, and these things gave us a general idea of what was to come. I did a bit of baby-sitting growing up and the youngest of my brothers is ten years my junior so I wasn’t exactly a stranger to some of the less fun aspects of babies, but nothing really prepares you for being the sole source of nourishment, necessities, and comfort for another human being. Still there were somethings I never really considered because they seemed to be obvious, and, boy, was I wrong about pretty much all of them.
Sleep: I assumed that when babies get tired, they go to sleep. There’s nothing keeping them awake necessarily, no stresses or things that have to be done. And there’s the famous “sleep like a baby” which made me think that sleeping would just come naturally to Jocelyn and that I wouldn’t have to do anything about it. That was wrong on so many levels. The first issue we had with sleep was not lack on Jocelyn’s part, but sleeping too easily. When feeding she would drift off to sleep after only a couple minutes, then wake back up, eat a little more, doze off again, repeat this pattern so that each feeding was taking over an hour. In the beginning she needed to eat every two hours or so (from the start of the last feeding), this meant I had usually less than an hour between feedings before starting again. This was also the time when we were having some serious feeding issues. Luckily this phase has passed and given way to a different sleep issue.
This issue was probably there all along, when Jocelyn is tired, really tired, instead of going to sleep, she cries hysterically. Early on I took these cries to mean she was still hungry and would try to feed her. This worked out OK because she would fall asleep eventually while feeding and then I could put her to bed. With time she stopped her sleep eating and would refuse to eat anymore, but still cry like she was in pain. We thought it was gas and gave her gas drops, spent long periods of time trying to get her to burp. When this didn’t work, I would try feeding her again, which generally put her to sleep since the whole process had taken long enough to create a bit of room in her tummy. I finally realized that she was crying because she was tired, not hungry or gassy. So I would try to put her to sleep, but you can’t just set down a crying baby and expect them to drift off to dream-land. About this time we finally got the video The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Karp (this is a really great resource, I recommend it for anyone who is pregnant or has a baby under three months of age). We’d had to wait our turn for the library copy and I’m so glad we got the video when we did. I was watching it and tried the holds they showed and they quieted Jocelyn instantly (it was a little spooky). Soon we’d figured out how to get her to sleep when she’s upset. I’m not saying it’s easy, she still fights sleeping, and it’s definitely not quick. I just spent an hour and a half with her drifting off and waking back up before she finally went to sleep soundly. She sleeps really well in her swing, and will wake up if it stops. This gives me a little time during the day which I cherish. She does pretty well at night, usually needing a feeding or two, but will go back to sleep with only a little work in between.
Diapering: The woman teaching our baby-care class said that new parents become obsessed with the number of wet diapers and bowel movements their little angels have, often boring or grossing out others with their discussions on the matter. Perhaps this part of this post is my version of that. They tell you a newborn should have three to four bowel movements a day, this was never Jocelyn’s style. She was a one poopie girl until the age of about one month. After our initial feeding issues, once she was gaining weight well we stopped worrying about this, but because she only did it once a day, it was usually impressive. I called Matthew at work one day to tell him that I’d just had to deal with a poopie Vesuvius: just as I’d finish cleaning her up more poo would erupt, this went on for more than ten minutes. As babies get older, they poop less frequently. Jocelyn went from once a day to once every three, four or even seven days. When my mom was visiting Jocelyn went seven days between bowel movements, and when it finally came we had another volcano on our hands, with an eruption that shot about two feet across the changing table. I wish she’d spread it out a little, but she doesn’t seem to be interested in that, so every few days we have a massive mess on our hands.
Guilt: Holy cow is this a doozie. Everyone has an opinion on parenting, and a good percentage of those people will think your chosen method is wrong and you’re a terrible person for using it. And there’s no avoiding the well meaning advice, which you probably didn’t ask for and definitely don’t want, because it will probably make you feel like crap. Books you read on parenting will give you conflicting information and make you feel like a terrible parent if you’re not doing exactly as they say, not to mention setting your child up to be a failure. You’ll read things that you should never do, realize you’ve already done them, and in your hormonal postpartum state cry hysterically because you worry you’ve physically or psychologically damaged your baby. I’m hopping I’ll toughen up on this one soon!
There are more things that have surprised me, and I’m sure there’s a lot left I’ve yet to experience. Whenever I get too upset about the last item, I look at Jocelyn’s smile and reassure myself I’m doing the best I can and Jocelyn seems to be thriving (she smiles, is alert and started rolling over at just five weeks), I can’t have damaged her too badly, at least not yet

I have somehow managed to contract a cold.  I’m wondering if I should blame the woman at the supermarket who I heard talking to people about her pneumonia but then came and stood thisclose to me while I was looking at something (I tried to discretely back away).  I was even wearing Jocelyn in her carrier at the time.  I know you need to do your grocery shopping even if you’re sick, but maybe you could try not to breathe on people, especially not people with babies.  I’m not a germophobe.  Getting sick is actually good for your immune system, if you’re an adult.  So far Jocelyn seems more or less fine, maybe a little runny nose.  I’m glad I’m still breastfeeding because she should be getting antibodies from me for whatever it is I have.  But I feel pretty much like crap right now.  I tried to nap with Jocelyn earlier but didn’t rest well.  Of course Jocelyn seems extra-cranky today (though it’s probably just my perception).  I’m not sure what cold medicines are safe to take (though I could pretty easily find out).  I’m sticking to motrin, which I know is safe, and lots of hot tea.  The inability to get a full night’s sleep is probably not real great for my immune system.  Time for some more tea and vitamin C.

It seems like bauerconfidential.com has become all baby all the time.  This post is not going to change that.  Right now my life revolves around Jocelyn and there’s not much else going on of interest.  So I present to you a little bath time montage.  After showing you her pouty lip last week, I thought I’d add to it showing the whole bathing experience.  It’s gotten less traumatic since these pictures were taken.  She no longer wails inconsolably while being bathed.

Here we are, getting ready to go in the tub. She's all smiles and laughs.

During the bath.

After the bath, getting some comfort from Daddy.

I have to give credit where credit is due, my Mom took this picture while visiting us last week.  We had just given Jocelyn a bath, which she doesn’t like very much (we’ve improved her opinion of baths a bit my making the bathroom into a sauna).  It’s too bad we don’t have an audio recording, she makes the saddest little noises.

People love to expound upon the joys of parenthood.  When I was pregnant, I wondered if there was some sort of brain-washing going on.  I mean, people who already have children feel the need to tell parents-to-be about the wonderful experience they’re about to enjoy with great enthusiasm.  You’re told over and over how much you’re going to love your child, how it will be the most rewarding experience of your life, that it will change you fundamentally.  Being a bit of a cynic, it occurred to me that perhaps people feel the need to tell you all these things so you’ll want to become a parent and join them in the experience, perhaps justifying it to themselves at the same time.  Perhaps there is an evolutionary drive to convince people how great having kids is so that people will keep having kids.  Don’t get me wrong, I was sure hoping all the great things they said were true, but I had my doubts.  My pregnancy, despite being quite easy by a lot of standards, was no cake-walk.  Before I got pregnant, I was pretty satisfied with my life.  I enjoyed my independence, the freedom to make my own schedule and more or less do as I pleased.  Coming to terms with the sacrifices that I knew would come along with parenthood was the most difficult thing I experienced while pregnant, and I wanted to believe all the great things parents had to say so that it would all seem worthwhile.

And then Jocelyn was born, and I held her in my arms, and she was imprinted on my heart with a ferocity I could not previously fathom.  She gripped my finger with her tiny hand and I was bonded to her with a strength no force on earth could disrupt.  This morning I held her in my arms as she dozed and I gazed at her face, trying to memorize her every feature at this exact moment.  The way she pursed and pouted her lips, the occasional smile that would dance across her visage as she dreamed, her velvety hair and button nose, I wanted to be sure to remember it all forever.  All those parents were telling the truth, but even their sincerity and intensity could not fully describe the depth of love I feel for my daughter.  It is indescribable; the attachment is so intense and compelling that I cannot put into words the reality of my feelings.  And it must be this way, she needs me, needs us.  Babies engender such protective feelings, not only in their parents and relatives, but also in complete strangers.  We are compelled to protect them; we find them so adorable in their helplessness that we cannot help but take care of them.  And for the most part we are happy to do it, especially as parents.

People are constantly telling me to enjoy this time with Jocelyn, that it passes so quickly and you can’t get it back.  While I am trying to savor each day, I cannot help but look forward to her future.  Matthew and I often converse about what life has in store for our daughter.  What will she grow up to be?  Will she like sports and music?  Will she like the same things we do?  What does the world hold in store for her?  On a short-term level, I look forward to the day when she can express her needs to me so I’m not wondering if she’s still hungry, needs to burp, or is just tired.  But for now I try to respond to her cries, laugh at her smiles, and encourage her development.  And I can’t help but kiss her soft cheeks and forehead and cuddle her close, enjoying the feel of her in my arms and the impossible smoothness of her skin.  She is so small yet requires so much attention, but I try to remember to cherish these moments and store them away in my memory as both the most difficult and most rewarding of my life.

I’ve made these twice now, this is my new favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe.  I made these since my Mom is visiting, she agrees that they’re the best chocolate chip cookies ever.  Matthew keeps trying to steal my cookies, even though he has his own, so he must think they’re good.

Happy New Year Everyone.

2008 was quite a year for me. Here are the quick highlights.

1) Had surgery on my septum.
2) Co-authored a review in the Journal “Cell.”
3) Visited NYC, and did most of the touristy stuff.
4) Visited Alcatraz Island.
5) Further explored the bay area
6) Gave my first talk at an international conference.
The best for last:
7) My daughter Jocelyn entered my life.

Now it is time for resolutions. I wasn’t going to list any this year, but I’ve changed my mind after hearing about a study. This study was examining if new year resolutions work, and what you can do to succeed. It turns out, they do work as long as they are reasonably attainable and you have some sort of emotional support. Roughly 40% of the people that make resolutions succeed. When examining people who have the same goals but did not make a resolution, only 4% of the people fulfilled those aspirations.

So, I’ll give it a shot and here are my resolutions for 2009

1) Go to they gym more…roughly 2 or more times a week would be nice.  Mainly, I’ve been getting a “bench belly” and it would be nice to loose 10-15 lbs.  Even if I don’t loose much weight, I could use the cardio work out.

2) Watch much less t.v. and spend more time reading.

3) Get caught up with my reading at work and be overall more organized.

I think I will leave it at three, and I hope those are reasonably attainable. I was going to add “find a hobby,” but with a newborn I think my hobby will be raising a daughter.

To everyone that reads this, I hope you had a good overall 2008 and I wish you all a 2009 that greatly exceeds all expectations.