The Bauer Confidential

This parenthood thing, it is at once incredibly rewarding and ridiculously terrifying.  Supposedly becoming a parent changes you fundamentally.  I had my doubts.  I thought, I’m a strong, adult woman, I know who I am, I know myself, becoming a parent isn’t going to change me.  Now that I’m experiencing it I think perhaps change isn’t the right word, I think parenthood enhances you, adds to who you are, forces you to grow in ways you hadn’t imagined.  Your heart must open beyond what you thought were its bounds, your imagination has to grow to keep this little being entertained, and your optimism is buoyed, because the world must be great with this wonderful new little person in it.

But there are new-found aspects of your personality that are a little disconcerting. There’s the worrying and the guilt.  A new found willingness to touch previously disgusting substances; somehow if it comes out of your baby, it looses a lot (though not all) of its gross-out factor.  Rejoicing at a poopie becomes common-place.  You find yourself speaking in short sentences, elongating your vowels, sometimes when you’re not talking to the baby.  You bore your friends with constant recountings (or blog posts) of the babies every move.  On Monday though, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that parenthood had seaped into the essence of my very being.  I was getting ready for work, making a mental check-list of things I needed to do before heading out the door when I caught myself thinking “Mommy needs to put on deodorant.”  Even my internal monologue has been converted.