Key to our approach is the idea that children want to assert their independence and eating is one of the first things they see they can control and can aggravate parents. So one of the approaches we take is to offer choices about the non-essentials. What colour fork would you like? What colour bowl? Would you like water or milk? Which bib to wear? And even some times at lunch I offer a choice between two acceptable meals. C’sister had a technique that worked like a charm: she noticed that her toddler always picked the second choice so that’s where she put what she wanted the kid to choose. Want nephew W to drink milk? Offer him juice or milk!

Once we’re into the meal, sometimes R will stop eating and tell us he needs a cloth (cleaning his face signals to him that he’s done). If we think it’s necessary, we’ll start negotiations that go something like this: Would you like some pears/fruit cocktail for dessert? Yes? Then you need to eat two/three/four more bites (of meat, of peas, or just whatever). Can you count with us? He knows that if he does eat the specified number of mouthfuls, he’ll get the “dessert” and if he doesn’t eat them, he doesn’t get it. So it’s ultimately his choice.

I also find that if I load up his fork and shove it in his face, he immediately rejects. But if I load up his fork and nonchalently leave it sitting on the plate while acting like I could care less, odds are he’ll eat the forkful on his own.

Other hints… We make them sit at the table while our family has the meal. Even as babies, both kids sat/sit with us (if awake). R’s plate stays in front of him while the meal is on, even if he thinks he is done. R eats the same meal we eat (unless, like last night, it is super spicy – he got steak left overs while we eat hot italian sausages). If R wants to try something on the table that he doesn’t have, unless it’s alcohol (or my diet pop), he gets a small sample. We don’t offer alternatives, if he decides he’s not eating then he doesn’t get any dessert or favourites. We have a special time out for at the table, when cutlery gets repeatedly dropped, feet come up, etc, where we turn the chair around (i.e. he can’t leave the table by getting himself into time out).

I hope this helps! A

My experience with seasonings for kids was that they like stuff seasoned pretty much like elderly adults do. Keep the seasonings mild, but they do like salt. If you cut it back they’ll hate the food because it will be flat.

If she doesn’t like the food, just whisk it away and do not replace it with her favorite stuff. That’s just the end of the meal. Clean her up and send her on her way hungry. She won’t starve if she doesn’t eat a full meal once in a while. If a child thinks they can just refuse food after food and an endless selection will be brought for them to choose from, then why not play that game? It gives them power. Don’t play power games with her. It’s very important now that you are no-nonsense about this and that you win. Because if she wins, she loses. So, offer her food, but if she doesn’t eat it, that’s her problem. She’ll be back asking for more soon, and you can offer her the same stuff. But act dumb for a while, like you cannot understand why she would be hungry, since she just ate. Let her get good and hungry before you give her a little bit to tide her over to the next meal.
Oh, and don’t feed her unless you’re pretty certain she’s hungry, that’s a recipe for a battle too.