The Bauer Confidential

Jocelyn really likes books, and she really likes having us read them to her.   I really like reading to her, so it’s a win-win.  I like it when she tosses a book in, and proceeds to crawl onto, my lap because, well, it is just time to read.   The only problem is that she gets fixated on a particular book and wants it read over and over and over and…you get the idea.  It  becomes a challenge really, a challenge to find new ways to read or tell the simple toddler story.

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Note: No real raccoons were hurt in the making of this video.

Spending quality couple time is a serious challenge when little ones come along, so when such an opportunity is arranged, the hopes are high.  Matthew and I hadn’t had a “date” in many, many months, so with the romantic holiday coming up, we thought it would be nice to get someone to watch Jocelyn and go out and do something together, an afternoon at the movies sounded nice.

If you’re making the effort and incurring the expense, you want to pick a movie that will benefit from a large screen showing.  Naturally we chose Avatar 3D.  About an hour into the movie, I started to feel unwell, my stomach was tying up in knots and my head was pounding.  I tried taking off the 3D glasses, not watching, but I had to leave the theater.  Now a movie ticket in Cali is crazy expensive, even a matinee, so I decided after a breather, to head back in to the show.  I didn’t watch much, didn’t put on the glasses, but after about another hour (it’s a long movie), I had to run out of the theater.  I’ll spare you the details, they weren’t pretty, and I think I scared a bunch of ladies in the restroom.  I couldn’t text Matthew because my phone was in my purse under the seat in the theater, along with my wallet and gum, which I so could have used at that point.  So I went and waited in the lobby, as long as I could before I was afraid Matthew might think I was dead and come looking for me, then I went back in for the last 10 minutes.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to see credits role in my life.

To Matthew’s credit, he kept suggesting we go, but I didn’t want to ruin our afternoon, I didn’t want to make him leave the first movie he’d gone out to in six months.  In the end, though, my determination to stick it out made things much worse.  If we’d left, we could have just enjoyed our afternoon together, instead of me praying to the porcelain gods and Matthew worrying about me.  I’ve suffered from minor motion sickness before, flying, windy roads, but never at the movies.  I’ve seen other movies in 3D, though none as motion-intense as Avatar.  Turns out the not wearing the glasses thing, which I thought would be helpful, probably made things worse, causing my brain to be even more confused by what it was seeing but not feeling.

When we got home, I did a bit of research.  Turns out a lot of people had similar reactions.  Motion sickness is a quirk of our anatomy, an unfortunate side effect of biology.  Kinetosis, or motion sickness, is caused when there is a disconnect between the stimulatory signals received by your brain.  When flying, your body feels you moving, but your eyes do not perceive the motion, confusing your noggin; in a 3D movie, it’s the opposite problem, your eyes tell your brain you’re flying through an alien world, but your inner ear is saying you’re simply sitting in a seat in a theater.   These conflicting inputs cause your body to conclude you are under the influence of a toxin; by vomiting you might be able to expel any toxin that’s still in your stomach before it affects you further.  Great for poisons in the jungle, not so great for 3D movies.

After our less than stellar attempt at romance, we spent the actual holiday doing family activities.  We took Jocelyn to the Little Farm at Tilden Park; she was interested, if a bit frightened of the strangers and huge animals.  Later in the day, we went to the tot park and pushed Jocelyn on the swings.  All my disappointment over our previous-day’s outing evaporated as she laughed with glee when flying through the air.  You see, baby smiles and laughter are addictive to parents, they stimulate the reward centers in your brain, much as drugs do.  So here it is, my own personal perfect drug.

P.S.  I hope you’ll forgive me for getting a little photoshop happy with the last image, I loved Jocelyn’s smile in it, but as she was moving, the focus was a bit blurry, I did some extreme sharpening and ended up with this, which I thought was pretty groovy.

When people tell you parenting is “the toughest job you’ll ever love” they’re both right, and wrong when looked at on a day to day basis.  Being a parent is the most difficult and rewarding job I’ve ever had, but I don’t love every minute of it.  And it’s not the gross stuff that bothers me, changing diapers is no big deal.  Baby has stomach flu and won’t let you put her down while she wretches, all in a days work.  It’s the eating that’s making me crazy.

Babies are notoriously difficult eaters, and yet you have to be either feeding them, cleaning up after feeding them, or preparing to feed them what feels like the vast majority of the time.  Now that Jocelyn’s a toddler with a mouth full of teeth, including a lot of molars, more solid foods are on the menu at our house.  Deciding on that menu may be giving me ulcers.  From one day to the next, there are very few things I can count on her to actually eat.  She never seems to refuse a cheese stick, but something she seemed to love and ate tons of one evening, she may turn her nose up at and refuse to even taste the next day.  Timing is important, if she’s tired, feeding her becomes a battle of wills, with Jocelyn’s apple-sauce coated hands ripping at her own hair and rubbing her face.  I know I should trust that when she’s hungry she’ll eat, but then we’re also told it’s important to keep to schedules and that we should offer meals and snacks at consistent times.  She reaches for anything on the table, if it’s not what you’re already trying to feed her, and is so intent on those other things, she refuses to eat.  Thus bringing multiple items for a meal is problematic, but running back to the kitchen three or four times during lunch doesn’t really work either.  The same principal seems to be at work when she’s drinking her milk; she’ll drink twice as much in the quiet darkness of the bedroom compared to sitting in the living-room or at the table.

She doesn’t really seem to like meat or fish, even soft and chopped into tiny pieces or mixed in with rice or veggies.  Potatoes are inexplicably detested; how can you hate potatoes?  She won’t touch them.  Some days she’ll scarf down eggs, other days she won’t allow them to touch her lips.  And suddenly during a meal she’ll go from eating something happily, to using her tongue to push the offending food out of her mouth, making as big a mess as possible in the process.

Fundamentally, feeding our children is one of the most important jobs we have as parents.  When a child won’t eat not only is it frustrating, it’s worrying.  Last week Jocelyn was sick, and though she had other symptoms, it was the refusal of food for two days that drove me to call the pediatrician.  It turned out she had a viral infection which gave her sores in her throat, making her, understandably, reluctant to swallow.  But before I knew this I was at my wits’ end, enticing her with her favorites, begging her to try anything and everything I could think of, through any means necessary.  When it didn’t work, it was hard to stifle my irritation, I was even wondering how anyone could choose to have multiple children when the initial go round was so aggravating.  The sleep deprivation caused by a fever and the refusal of food caused by a sore throat is a recipe for a parental meltdown.

Despite her illness, I swear she got heavier and taller last week, my arms started to feel tired carrying her when they didn’t before.  It seems she’s doing fine, growing, healthy, but I can’t stop my worrying about her eating.  At its core, I think the problem is with me.  I’m afraid of raising a picky eater, of years of fights at meal-times.  I’m old enough to remember the constant negotiation between my youngest sibling and my parents at every meal.  I’m scarred by the fact that two of my brothers refused to eat at any restaurant but McDonald’s into their teen years.  Any battle about food is fraught with peril, so we must tread lightly, but it’s a war we have to wage every day, and it’s wearing me down.

It’s hard to get in the holiday spirit here.  Perhaps it’s the spring-like weather, but the bay area is just not very conducive to Christmas Cheer.  It could also be that we’re away from all our family, and even had to skip out on church and seeing friends because yours truly has a nasty cold (germs do not make good presents).  I’ve been thinking about what Christmas was like for me as a child and imagining what it will be like for Jocelyn.  When I was young, Christmas vacation seemed to last forever.  It felt like every day was Saturday, camped out in front of my grandparents’ TV, watching cartoons and playing with cousins.  A never ending supply of cookies and fudge was always present, I was probably bouncing off the walls (have my parents tell you about the effect of sugar on me as a little girl, there are some great stories).  I remember piles of wrapping paper and mad searches for the right kind of batteries.  What I don’t really remember are the presents, though they were always nice, I don’t have concrete memories of gifts.  I do have vivid recollections of the emotions, the love, the fun.

Every family has their own set of traditions, my mom’s family always opened gifts Christmas Eve after a dinner of Oyster stew.  At my Dad’s parents, I remember eating at the children’s table through many years of hams and turkeys.  I’m excited to make new traditions for our little family, but we’re not starting from scratch.  Though we didn’t put up a tree or do gifts this year with Jocelyn being so young, I did make the traditional Bauer family holiday breakfast, Monkey Bread.  I thought I’d share the recipe as part of our holiday wishes.  Be warned, this is very sweet, and could have your kids bouncing off the walls!

Monkey Bread

4 cups biscuits (one can “Grands” biscuits, I like the flaky layer kind, but plain work well too)

1/2 cup sugar

1 tablespoon cinnamon

1 cup brown sugar, loosely packed

1/2 cup butter (1 stick)

1.  Preheat oven to 350oF.  Grease a simple bundt cake pan.

2.  Mix together the sugar and cinnamon.

3.  Cut the biscuits into 1/2 inch pieces.  Roll the pieces in the cinnamon/sugar mixture and then distribute evenly in the pan.  Sprinkle some of the remaining sugar mixture over the biscuits if you’re a fan of cinnamon like me.

4.  Melt the butter in a sauce pan, add the brown sugar and bring to a boil.  Pour over the biscuits.

5.  Bake approximately 20 minutes or until well browned and cooked through.

6.  Try not to eat the whole thing by yourself!

I’ll just let the cuteness speak for itself.

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A year ago today, we became a family of three. What a year it has been. On this, our daughter’s first birthday, the whole country is giving thanks, her father and I most of all, we couldn’t be more grateful for the amazing gift we have been given.

We’re rapidly approaching our little one’s first birthday.  I can’t believe how fast the time has flown by, cliché, I know.  Being a parent for the first time is quite the learning experience.  Despite all the advice, research, and best intentions, there have been a lot of things we’ve just had to learn as we went, sort of fly-by-the-seat-of-your pants style.  There are some things that we did that worked out great, others, not so much.  I wanted, while I can still remember, to jot down some of the things I’ve learned in this first year, primarily relating to baby gear, with some tangents thrown in here and there.  There is so much stuff out there for babies, and the retailers will make you think you need all of it, you need it new, and you need it right now.  The truth is babies need only a few things, you don’t have to break the bank, and you don’t have to fill your house to bursting to make your baby comfortable.  I want to point out that what I have to say here is based on my experiences and opinions.  I have not received any free products in exchange for reviews.  The links provided are as close to what we had as I can find.  What worked for me might not work for everyone; these are just my ideas, not judgments.

Things to have at home when baby comes:

The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD (watch it before baby is born)

Swaddling blankets and clothes (heck the hospital will usually let you take a couple swaddling blankets home, but we really liked a jersey knit one we got as a gift).

Baby Swing

Nursing pillow.  I liked My brest-friend when Jocelyn was really little, but it was cumbersome to put on, we transitioned to Boppy knock-off later and it worked great.

Breast Pump: even if you don’t intend to pump because you’ll be staying at home, this can avert milk supply problems if you have issues with the baby latching on or other things.  If you buy it ahead of time you can also find the best prices on-line.  We ended up renting a pump from the hospital and then buying one for me to use at work, the rental was a waste of money but we needed it at the time.  If you deliver in the hospital, ask them to show you how to use a pump, around here there’s one in every room, and if you ask they may give you the kit for it no charge, which you may be able to use with your home pump (I couldn’t use all the parts, but I could use some).  It might not be a bad idea to have a little formula just in case.  I know breast-feeding (BF) enthusiasts around the world are gasping and crossing their fingers at me while screaming “Sacrilege.”  To those people I say, get off your freakin’ high horse.  BF doesn’t come easily for everyone, and for some people it won’t work out.  Our little girl lost so much weight before we could get help that we had to supplement her with some formula (pediatrician’s recommendation), and I don’t feel even the slightest bit bad about it.  We prevented her getting jaundiced or other problems.  When we got the hang of the BF we stopped with formula, but if we hadn’t supplemented she would have gotten sick.  One of the most difficult things about parenting is guilt; it comes at you from all sides.  Try to ignore the self-righteous who will judge anything you do contrary to their mandates as child-abuse, unfortunately BF advocates are some of the worst about this, and it makes me sad (end tangent).

Phone number of a lactation consultant (LC): after my experience, I’d almost recommend bringing this with you to the hospital and making an appointment for just after you’ll be discharged.  Now, most hospitals around these parts have an LC on staff, but if you’re unlucky like me and have your baby near a holiday, they may not be around, or you may not get help unless your problems are really severe; ask the nurses to see the LC anyway.  Yes, an appointment with an LC costs money, but it’s money well spent.  If things go flawlessly for you, you can always cancel.

Baby carrier: this is a great way to keep your hands free but keep baby happy and close.  Jocelyn loved to sleep in her “Sleepy Wrap.”  It was a little daunting figuring out how to tie it in the beginning but once you get the hang of it is a snap.  We had a Snugli carrier that broke within a couple weeks of getting it, so I wouldn’t recommend that.  We also had a Baby Bjorn that was good for a few months.  Now we’ve transitioned to a Boba Carrier, and Jocelyn seems to love it, though she’d rather be crawling.  I like it too, I like keeping her close but being able to do more things around the house and not push a stroller to the grocery store.  You could save needing multiple carriers for multiple stages by getting something like an Ergo carrier, which I’ve heard good things about and they’re supposed to be good for newborns to toddlers, but each carrier has its advantages and disadvantages.

Necessities Reviews:

Stroller Travel system: don’t do it.  While I thought this was great at first, I realized there’s an easier way.  Travel systems (unless you can afford the really high-end ones) are heavy, and bulky.  Ours also turned out to not be that durable, despite being a well-known and well-reviewed brand.  That could be due to the fact that living in an urban area we use it all the time, and for long distances, which most strollers just aren’t designed to handle.  I would have bought an infant car seat, and then one of those frame strollers the car seat snaps into.  This is so much lighter than a travel system and takes up way less space.  Later when the baby outgrows the infant car seat you buy an umbrella stroller, much lighter, easier to transport and easier to steer than a travel system (in the end, you’d probably spend about the same amount of money).  We just bought the Blink umbrella stroller by Britax and Jocelyn loves it, she gets incredibly excited whenever she sees it and loves going for walks in it.

Consumer reports: get a membership.  Not only do they review quite a lot of baby stuff, they tell you what to look for when you’re shopping, this is especially valuable since baby products are constantly changing names and model numbers and they don’t review every item every season.  This is great for non-baby related items too, like camcorders and TVs.

Buying new vs. getting used: there are some baby items you really should buy new.  Things that are crucial for safety top the buy new list: car seat, crib, and crib mattress.  The other thing I would recommend buying new is a baby swing, the motors only have so much life in them.  We got a used one, the motor pooped out, so we bought a brand new one because Jocelyn liked it so much, a couple weeks later she was no longer interested, we would have been better off with the new one to start.  Almost everything else you can save money buying used, borrowing, or making due.  Clothes are the biggest thing, for the first nine-months they outgrow clothes much faster than they are worn out; after they start crawling clothes get a lot more wear and tear.  Ebay is great for clothes; you can buy a “lot” of pieces cheap.  Sure, you might not love every item, but does it really matter if your baby looks like a gap model when crawling around your living room?

Doula: get one.  We didn’t, and I regret it.  We went to classes at our hospital and were told how things would be done, but when it came time for the birth apparently our nurses had other ideas.  We were both exhausted; I kept asking and asking for the baby, but the nurses just did what they wanted anyway.  I think this contributed to our initial breast-feeding struggles.  The main advantage of a Doula, in my mind, is having a person who will stand up for your wishes with the health-care professionals when you’re too exhausted to do it yourself.  If you’re not comfortable leaving all this to a stranger, a close friend or relative that can be there for the birth, is knowledgeable, and you know can handle the responsibility tactfully would also be a huge help.

Puzzle mats: skip and get a solid one.  We bought an alphabet puzzle mat since we’ve got hardwood floors and didn’t want Jocelyn constantly banging her head.  The problem is she figured out how to pull it apart when she was still tiny and putting it back together is a pain.  They make baby play mats that are kind of like large yoga mats, I think that would have been better.

Other random things that were helpful for us, but might not be so useful for others:

Papasan chair: allows baby to sleep at an angle.  It’s an unfortunate fact that newborns do not sleep silently; they make all kinds of gurgles and noises that new moms, primed to respond to their babies’ needs, may not be able to sleep through.  I sure couldn’t.  Couple that with our baby having a touch of GERD and the reflux causing her to be extra noisy and keeping her from sleeping soundly, you’ve got a recipe for a horribly sleep-deprived mom and baby.  Once we started putting her swaddled and strapped in to her papasan chair for sleeping, we both got a lot more rest.  She slept there until she could roll over from her back to her front (we kept it in her mini-crib next to our bed).  Our papasan chair also vibrated and played music, we didn’t find those functions very useful.

Sleep sack: keeps baby warm, eliminates suffocation worries.

Rocking chair: this was a great way for us to get our baby to sleep in the first months.  Some people really like the gliders for nursing.  Buy a used one if you can.

Cloth diapers: even if you’re planning on going purely disposable, cloth diapers have a multitude of uses.  We put one under our little girl when we put her on the changing pad; this helps prevent having to change the cover constantly.  They make great burp cloths, and when your babies are all done with them, I’m told they make great all-purpose rags (of course you would wash them well first).

Play gym: good once baby is a few months old. Get used.

Exersaucer: useful for a couple of months, keeps baby occupied and your hands free.  Jocelyn lost interest and outgrew this quickly.  I would recommend buying it used or borrowing.

Lots of washcloths: babies are messy.  My mom actually made us reusable baby wipes by sewing together pieces of flannel.  They have been so incredibly useful for everything from diapering to wiping runny noses.  You can buy them commercially, and though they seem pricey, you’ll get a lot of use out of them

I apologize this post was so long, but I wanted to be thorough.  Have a tip that I didn’t mention?  Please post it in the comments.  Have a question for me about any of the things I mentioned or any other baby things?  Post it in the comments.  Have something judgmental or snarky to say about any of this?  Keep it to yourself.  I will delete anything remotely unpleasant with impunity.  We parents need as much support as we can get, there are plenty of people out in the world who will judge us and look down on us, our blog is not the place for that.  I hope some people will find this information useful, I’m glad to have gotten it all written down.  Maybe this will save someone some money, prevent someone from buying a stroller that is too bulky to use, but mostly I hope to remove a little bit of stress by sharing my experiences.

Berkeley, CA.  September 2009.

More about Wordless Wednesday here.

It’s foggy this morning, not the normal Berkeley fog that sits atop the hills, but a lower, denser, heavier sort of fog.  Walking to work this morning felt very ethereal.  Spider webs were outlined with drops of dew deposited by the fog, they are beautiful, but I now realize there are spiders EVERYWHERE!  Life has me in a bit of a funk these days, the fog isn’t helping.  I think I need a little something to lift my spirits.

OK, starting to feel a little more like myself.

All better now.

A random picture of our cute baby.

Fresh out of the bath, showing off her new teeth.

Hope this brightened your day ever so slightly.